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Agnes, sometimes shortened to
Ag, Aggy, Agi or Ugly-Bitch. Agnes was once a very popular name in the
USA until people realised just what a silly name it was. Just imagine
spending your life answering to the name Agnes! The name is derived from
the Greek Aggibaby meaning “the cute little lamb that I am intimate
with”.
Characteristics of someone
called Agnes: Moody, aggressive and having the tendency to dunk their
digestive biscuits in their coffee. Agneses still believe that they are
“cute little sheep” and are always worried when in the company of
farmers. Advice to anyone with this name – get down to the registry
office and become Sue or Jane or anything but Agnes!
Allison: Variations are Alli,
Ally, Allie Allicen, Alicante and Allibalalibalibee.
The name has old German
origins and means, “that funny fluffy stuff that you always find in your
bellybutton even after a shower”. Another derivation is from the
Scottish – “Son of All” – meaning that the mother of the child slept
with most of the Clansmen so the real father was unknown. Allison is a
very popular name in the USA, Canada, UK and Eastern Burundi. Allison’s
have a tendency to underachieve – there has never been a Queen Allison
or a President Allison in any country of the world. Girls with this name
tend to dye their hair blonde and wear metal studs in tongues and nipple
rings. Around 78% of Allisons never marry, 34% are gay and 21% work in
MacDonalds.
Barbara: Variations Babs,
Babsy-baby, Barbedwire and Barracuda. This is an old Scottish name which
comes from the word Bar (Scottish for Public House – a place where Scots
go to get drunk). The first occurrence of the name is in 1818 when
Dougie MacDougie was christening his first child. She was to be called
Senga but during the ceremony Dougie was so keen to get away for a few
beers he uttered the words “Bar, bar, Ah must get tae the bar.” Sadly
the minister thought that Dougie wanted her to be called Barbara and so
the name was christened – so to speak.
Barbaras are all compulsive
liars and many tend to be thieves.
Craig – Mainly a boy’s name often also used for naming hard and
sheer rocks. Craig is derived from the Scottish and Gaelic ‘Crag’ which
means “rock or rocky.” Hence anyone named Graig generally becomes a hard
man and is therefore often destined either to become a Club Bouncer or
an Officer of the Law. To be given a ‘Craigy’ or a ‘Glasgow Kiss’ is to
receive the traditional Scottish hardman greeting of a head butt. Craigs
are often mistaken for brainy people due to an oversized skull and an
overhanging brow that gives them that flamboyant, yet distant
Nethanderal demanour.
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